The Overwhelmed Brain

Wanting different things than your partner (kids, stability, freedom) doesn't make you a bad person — it makes this relationship a system with incompatible "inputs." And if you feel torn or guilty about what to do, I've been there. And I'll walk you through the hard questions you need to ask before resentment becomes the default.

Life is really all about a series of decisions from moment to moment. Most are no-brainers: You know when to eat, for example. But others can literally be life-changing. And for those, being grounded and sure about your decision is the best place to be before making it.

Some conversations go down a path of dysfunction because one or both people refuse to be direct, or perhaps they're trying to manipulate to get a certain outcome. The head games that some people play are annoying and waste precious time that could be invested into the relationship instead of the toxicity.

If you feel stuck or awkward expressing emotions, I've been there! In this episode, I confront how avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of judgment, and more keep you emotionally distant from yourself and the people who want to connect with you.

Toxic, dysfunctional, and emotionally abusive behavior stem from the same foundational challenges in almost everyone. Learning what those challenges are and healing them can resolve carrying around years of future dysfunctional behavior.

What are the obstacles to peace, comfort, and happiness? You may be walking amongst people and things right now that are literally draining positivity from your life.

Sometimes what drives our decisions isn't necessarily what has our best interests in mind. Old survival mechanisms can be running the show, steering us into unfavorable outcomes without us even realizing it. Better outcomes require learning what exactly is driving our behaviors at the deepest level.

You're not crazy for feeling lonely in a relationship where schedules clash and one of you seems to be filling their time with other things to do. Hmm... what's really going on in this relationship. I answer a listener's question about this very thing in this episode, plus talk a little bit about minimizing and letting go of clutter and overwhelm.

Sarcasm can hide contempt while being disguised as humor. But, it can also bring humor to a difficult situation. Is there a limit to sarcasm and can it hurt relationships? Lots to discuss.

It might feel better not knowing the answers to some questions becuase, after all, knowing might mean you now have to do something about it. But when you don't ask the hard questions and don't talk about the hard stuff, life doesn't get any easier and the hard stuff never gets resolved.

What you value may not be what others value, but should that lead to black and white, all or nothing thinking where one person has to give something up so the other person can have what they want? Can there be a middle ground?

After loss, it can feel like there's no movement, as if time stopped on that exact moment of grief or pain, never to move forward again. However, grief, sadness, pain, and suffering do not have to feel like a chasm with no escape. The hurt may not end right away, but the healing can start sooner than you think.

The death of my brother-in-law was hard and got me revisiting the concept of the death of loved ones. No one can tell you it's going to be okay, even though eventually you will be okay. But in the moment, it can be hard to believe there will be anything good to ever come again because they're gone.

If you've ever felt hurt or offended by someone's words or actions, and their "apology" was more like a deflection than compassion for how it affected you, was it really an apology at all or simply more salt in the wound?

Sometimes you might wonder if things are going to change or not. Perhaps you're waiting for someone to show up better or differently, or your waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk, or any of a number of things you deal with. Do you make a decision based on what you hope will happen? It can be challenging to determine your next steps when all you have is speculation.

I talk about toxic relationships all the time, but what do healthy relationships actually look like? Is there a formula? There are criteria. And I'll share ten components of a healthy relationship in this episode.

You'd think love and connection would be enough to get through any relationship challenge. But there is something stronger, something deeper that allows feelings to grow and the bond to strengthen.

If you have a history that you're not proud of, and you start a new relationship, should the new potential partner be advised of a past you regret? If you don't tell, will it bring consequences down the road? It's a question some people wrestle with.

Are old emotional wounds triggering you today? A woman reached out and shares her struggles about choices she made about a pregnancy and how her partner may have lied about his communication with his ex at the beginning of their relationship. Challenging topics to cover.

Can the on-off relationship work? What about long-distance relationships? I talk about that and also someone asked me if it's their social anxiety or someone's rude behavior that's to blame. It's a grab bag episode today.

Other people's insecurities should not make you change for them. If they can't handle who you are, is it on you to make them comfortable or should they just adjust, adapt, or leave you alone?

You're allowed to tell someone they're hurting you — and if you feel stuck because you avoid conflict or keep punishing with silence, I've been there and will show you how to say it plainly so you know whether they change or reveal who they really are.

People who threaten, belittle, or use "jokes" about violence are practicing control, and they will gaslight you into submission if you don't take their threats or "jokes" seriously. Don't reward coercion with compliance.

Are you a victim of your past choices forever? If the future feels impossible because the past is unavoidable, it might be time to put away the mirror and forge the path you want.

Some people have a progress bar that stops when things are no longer uncomfortable. That can work for some people. But for others who want more out of life, it could present an incompatibility that's hard to get past.

Someone who constantly blames and criticizes you may have something to hide. Someone who hurts you is hiding nothing at all... it's all very apparent. Don't ever think their behaviors are your fault.

You did bad... a long time ago, but you still have to pay for what you did every time someone brings it up. They just can't let it go and you're reaching the end of your rope. When will they move on?

Some of us can go through life without the answers to the most pertinent questions. Others, like me, feel like there's something missing if we don't get those answers. I do my best to answer a few of those burning questions in this episode.

What is the recipe of reciprocation in a friendship when it comes to keeping in touch. Is it always 1 to 1 (you call, they call, repeat)? Or, is it always just you calling them? Hmm... seems one-sided, doesn't it? But, is it? Good topic to talk about.

There's no end to what manipulation looks like. Some people have a gift for making you do what they want you to do. Victims of manipulation typically have something in common. Knowing what that is will keep you out of harm's way.

Are you really misunderstanding everything they say, or are they just trying to get away with being mean under the radar? I address that and also talk about when someone doesn't like a gift you've given them. If that sounds good, tune in!

It can be a struggle to be there for loved ones struggling. And the more empathetic you feel, the more you may feel yourself getting deeper into the same struggle with them. It can sometimes be a challenge to be there for someone without losing yourself in the process.

Some people accuse just to keep you busy defending yourself. Some do it because, perhaps, they like to see you suffer? That can't be true... can it? If you're constantly accused for things you didn't do, you might be a mirror more than a target.

If you were taught to believe you were anything less than lovable and worthy, it's time we had an important conversation.

Meaning, purpose, the pursuit of happiness... Just existing shouldn't be the only way to live. You are important - you just may not realize how much.

Don't get trapped in a cycle of blaming yourself for past decisions. What you did then isn't what you'll do next time. And what you did then doesn't say who you are today.

If you find yourself questioning whether it's okay to step back from a someone who is always playing the victim (and perhaps blaming you for almost everything wrong in their life), you need a way out and a way back to your sanity and well-being.

Are the beliefs and values that guide your life and relationships truly serving you? There are many myths that, if we don't question them, might be holding us back from happiness and fulfillment.

Is work, people, or other things getting you down? Is there a way out of that holding pattern? Holding out hope for change might not be the best way forward.

Years of mediocrity or even unhappiness can change... can't it? I think if you're wondering if that could ever be true, this episode is probably for you.

If you're caught in a heated moment with another person, do you know how to keep your cool and maintain control? In this episode, I read a message from someone who lost his patience with a passenger on his bus. He wants to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Sometimes all that's needed to enforce your boundaries in a situation or relationship is a simple phrase that changes everything. Otherwise, you could be stuck with what you got indefinitely.

A partner's ex is a partner's problem... or is it? What if they're trying to wiggle their way back to your partner? I address that concern from someone who says they feel unsafe with their partner's ex being in the picture.

Ever feel like you're the one always under fire, the scapegoat for every misstep? When you are under constant accusation for things you didn't do (but are being convinced you did), it's time to learn the truth about what's really happening here.

Feel like you might mess up your kids because you haven't improved or healed your own stuff yet? Is it possible to raise kids to be less dysfunctional than ourselves? I certainly hope so! Sounds like a good topic to cover.